on the topic of pregnancy, have some more jesus-i-never-want-kids angst
if I Could give reasoning to why I never want children it would be YES THIS.
and then add:
the way the universe works for me would be this way:
I would have a great career that I love, that I’m excellent at, that makes me a comfortable amount of money and enjoyment.
I would then have a child with severe disabilities or health problems or something where they would never have a mental age beyond 5 and require constant supervision for the rest of their lives and I would be responsible for him/her.
And there I would be, with my quick mind and my exacting expectations and my impatience and my promise and my life and I’d be stuck wiping faces and singing nursery rhymes and celebrating my child saying one word.
And that would kill me. Just kill me because I could not stomach that for the rest of my existence. Having that be my existence.
Those last few sentences. This.
Not trying to be ‘ableist’, but that’s the reality of things. It takes a strong person to deal with having a disabled child as it is, but if you’re not a kid person—damn.
With my genes, I’d probably pass on good looks/intelligence/creativity/fine motor skills/empathy—-but I’d also more than likely have a child with depression. Literally every member of my immediate family has it. We also have a ton of other (relatively) minor mental health issues in my family that are all present in at least two generations. Some on both sides of the family. And sometimes I wonder if it’d be fair to bring a child into depression, or ASD (which could be anywhere from hardly noticeable to crippling), or GAD…
Yes. This is the perfect follow-up and explanation of what I was really saying.
And honestly for me having any child would be an unkindness for that child because if would never be my first obligation, my first love, my first priority.
That is no way to raise a child.